How do you know when it’s time to walk away?

I think this question haunts everyone. How do you know when it’s time to walk away from something? And, it could be anything: a bad job, a relationship, friendship, project, literally ANYTHING. And, most importantly, how do you know when it’s OK and you aren’t just throwing in the towel early? That is what I wrestle with the most…am I NOT giving it a fair shot? Or, am I giving it TOO much of a fair shot?

I’m definitely guilty of letting a relationship last too long, letting a friendship cross boundaries too many times before I say something, and letting a job dictate my mental and emotional state. So, when I began thinking about this I decided to do a little research and see what else was out there about this topic, and am I the only one who struggles with the, “give it a better shot,” or “you’ve given it enough, time to walk away.” My little Google search resulted in a list of 17 things (I had a list of 20, but upon reviewing realized I was repeating some of them in just a different way – so, for the sake of making this list easier to digest, I eliminated them). I think these 17 things are little bits of information everyone should consider before making that big decision to throw in the towel and go a separate way.

17 things to consider when trying to make the decision to walk away:

  1. Think about the situation:
    1. What do I want to get out of this situation?
    2. What am I actually getting out of this situation?
    3. What am I investing into this/ what is this situation costing me?
    4. What will happen if I keep investing these things into this situation?
    5. What will happen if I stay? (best and worst case scenarios)
    6. What will happen if leave? (best and worst case scenarios) – I’m a big “list” person so this is literally the best place for me to start.
  2. Remember, walking away doesn’t make you weak: Walking away from something that doesn’t add value doesn’t make you weak – it actually is one of the bravest things you can do, and also means that you are decidedly a strong person. I am a very loyal person, and definitely almost to a fault. I’m also non confrontational and want everyone to always get along so, walking away can sometimes feel like I’m taking the easy way out. In reality, it’s harder to recognize it’s time to go, and then to actually do it – it makes you stronger.
  3. You’re probably the most attached: Often, the first person to walk away is the one who is most attached – true story! My five year relationship ended because I chose to walk away…and as a result I realized that I was more attached to the relationship than he was – he moved on quicker, and just in general seemed to mourn and move on fast than I did.
  4. Acceptance: You’re able to accept that things aren’t going to workout how you wanted. Wow, this is the hardest realization, and usually the one that is the saddest. I’ve had friends who I thought would be in my wedding someday, or my kids would call him/her uncle/auntie so-and-so, and had to come to the realization that that probably wasn’t going to happen. It’s a really sad feeling, but also the quickest way to come to terms with it and move on.
  5. Before it gets worse: You know to walk away before things get worse. Often this is the hardest decision to make because quite frankly, you generally can’t imagine it getting any worse…until it does. And, when it does – you gotta pack your shit and run!
  6. Your gut! If your gut, or intuition, or whatever it may be, tells you that something feels off, it probably is. Really folks, our instincts are our best bullshit detectors.
  7. Going with the flow: Going through the motions instead of reaching the next level of the relationship, friendship or career. How many of us have found ourselves just going through the motions at work? You might be doing a great job and everyone is happy with your work performance, but it’s just easy, and almost takes no extra energy or thought so you just kinda stick with it? Yep, if you’re just going with the flow, you’re never going to get that promotion or find motivation to take that next step in your career, or the next step in your relationship.
  8. Loneliness: You feel lonely, even while in that relationship or friendship, or feel unsatisfied despite working hard at that job. If you have someone who loves you, wants to spend time with you, but you’re still feeling lonely – you are not happy and nothing should come at the cost of your happiness. Leave!
  9. No respect: I mean, this is for anything really. If there’s no respect, nothing else is really left. Walk away! And I would elaborate here, but everyone’s definition of “respect” is different so I’ll just let you interpret that in the way that works best for you.
  10. Desire for a change: The want and need to walk away should come from the desire to change something, not out of fear. I don’t think you are making a confident and well thought out decision when you’re doing it out of fear.
  11. Convenience or desire? Is the friendship, relationship or job more about convenience than desire? Are you staying in that relationship because you live together and have really good rent? Are you staying friends with that person because you’ve known them since you were 12 and have mutual friends so it just makes things easier? These aren’t good reasons to stay in that situation, though when trying to rationalize the choice to go, these will weigh heavily on your mind.
  12. Does the situation cause anxiety? I don’t particularly like this one but it’s so true, and maybe that’s why I don’t like it much. But, if someone’s presence puts your anxiety level through the roof, but you spend time with them anyway because you feel obligated, it’s time to go!
  13. Priorities folks! When you’re an option, not a priority. I, not so long ago, had someone who was trying very hard to get back into my life. I had a weak spot for him, cared about him a lot, and boy did he know the right things to say. My issue, and why we were no longer together, was that I was never a priority. Not ever, not once. So, while trying to get back into my good graces he promptly said, “I want to make this work, and I’ll start by putting you first and making you a priority.” Lasted a week folks…one week. But, I also knew it wouldn’t last long so I wasn’t as disappointed as I could have been. So, walking away was very easy.
  14. Are you still having fun? When it’s more work than fun. If everything is a drain and you’re not finding anything even remotely entertaining or fun about your relationship, friendship or job, then it’s definitely time to go. Nothing is worth your happiness. Wait, haven’t I already said that once in this list?
  15. Is it abusive? When abusive behaviors prevail – or continue. Look, I’m not one of those lucky people who can say that they’ve never been in an abusive relationship – or even friendship. It’s a little harder to identify in a friendship, but if your friend says mean things to you, it’s verbally abusive folks. However, it is often easier to identify abuse in your romantic relationships. But, it can take a while to come around to the reality of it all and actually decide to leave because of it. Inevitably what happens is the abuse becomes more and more frequent and more and more vicious. I wasn’t physically abused, but I was told some really awful things over and over, and they got increasingly hurtful until I worried it might get physical, upon which I left for good. But despite that, it was still one of the hardest decisions I’ve made (crazy, right?).
  16. The good old pros and cons list: Do the cons outweigh the pros? I mentioned that I love lists, and the pros and cons list is no exception. I mean, it’s not going to give you a definitive yes or no about walking away, but it will give you some serious things to think about. When everything is laid out there in front of you it’s hard to hide from it.
  17. What’s the best way to walk away? This is so important. You definitely don’t want to leave out of anger. Believe me, I know that in the moment there is nothing that would feel better than to do the most dramatic walk-out ever seen, but you will inevitably second guess yourself for a really long time. Did I get too worked up and just react? Did I not give myself time to think about it before I just flew off the handle? It’s just best to wait until you’re not so angry so that when you do walk out you are confident you are making the right decision. I even think that walking away sad instead of angry is better, because if you’re anything like me, once you’ve worked through the anger, you’ve probably moved into sadness, and eventually you’re moving into acceptance and ultimately moving on with your life.

I realized while writing this that I too still have relationships that I should be considering for this list, but ultimately you come to the decision in your own time. For some, you decide to end things confidently and swiftly, for others it takes time. For example, I give the benefit of the doubt and chance after chance, but when I’m done…I’m really done. There is no going back ever at any point once I’ve truly decided to walk away. Some folks may walk away and then years down the road decide to give that person a second chance. I don’t operate that way, and some may say that isn’t good either. But, whatever it is or how you’re feeling, I hope this list helps you realize that walking away is never easy, and can cause fear and anxiety because of the unknown, but know that it’s the bravest thing a person can do.

Signature

Namaste and Brunch – Silent Disco Yoga

OK, so have any of you ever been to a music festival and walked past a group of people with headphones on, dancing around, all out of sync, having a great time grooving to something you can’t hear? Yeah, that’s a silent disco. And, I’m one of those people who wouldn’t be caught dead looking that foolish – regardless of whether it’s a lot of fun or an awesome experience (no offense to those readers who enjoy silent discos). So, when my friend sent me a text asking if I would like to participate in a 75 minute silent disco yoga class I was like, huh?

But, I was also very intrigued. This friend of mine is a yogi – she practices it frequently so I feel like this invite was coming from a knowledgeable place, so I said sure! It was $25, held at True Food Kitchen in Walnut Creek, CA, and you got 15% off your brunch order for participating in the yoga class that morning – yoga AND food – thumbs up!

Check-in and set-up began at 7:45 and class started at 8:15. Some of you may not know this about me, but I like my sleep. I’m a 8 or 9 hour  sleep minimum kinda gal, so getting up early and driving 30 minutes outside of  town on a Sunday is important to be noted. Upon checking in we were given noise cancelling headphones. The intention here is that I won’t be able to hear anything around me other than the instructors voice and the music. Therefore, that meant everyone who was preparing the restaurant to open at 10am would be able to observe us moving through the instructors flow, ohhmming and breathing but wouldn’t hear anything the instructor was saying or the music that was playing – hence the silent disco part.

I know I said earlier I wouldn’t be caught dead looking foolish, and some might argue that I probably looked foolish doing this, however since we were all literally doing the same flow at the same time, I don’t think it looked as foolish as a group of people on a dance floor swaying to music you can’t hear. But, if you worked in the restaurant that day and witnessed us it probably looked a little weird.

Anyway, the class was intended for all levels, and the instructor was fantastic at instructing at the beginner level and then offering variations depending on experience so that you could really get out of the class what you were looking for. For me, I hadn’t gone to a yoga class in a while, so you weren’t going to catch me doing the crow pose, or doing a head stand. I have to say though, that having those headphones on wasn’t as distracting as I initially thought it would be. They weren’t too heavy, and really cancelled out some of the usual noise you might hear while in a yoga class, like someone’s breathing noises, coughing etc. You were really able to focus on the music and the instruction.

Also, I’d like to mention that I was ravishingly hungry for brunch, which was 15% off since I had participated in the class…AND I think I had burned so many calories that I was hungry almost all day long – even after brunch! Great work out!

With all of this said, it was a lot of fun and I highly recommend checking it out. I’m still not sold on an actual Silent Disco, but silent disco yoga is a win. Check out Eventbrite and see if there are any scheduled in your area!

Signature

A Favorite Recipe: Crispy Cheddar Chicken

So, I have this recipe that I found on Pinterest. I’ve made it probably close to a dozen times for my family (i.e. my parents, siblings and nieces) – and it has become the meal we eat on Christmas Eve – my nieces are very much into tradition and expect it now. I will caution you now in saying that it isn’t exactly the healthiest, though it might be a good alternative to fried chicken and it sure is mighty tasty! While I got this recipe off of Pinterest, I did get the details from keyingredient.com – and the photo associated to this post came from there as well – unfortunately I don’t have any photos from the numerous times I’ve made this.

Ingredients

  • 4 large chicken breasts
  • 2 sleeves of Ritz crackers
  • 1/4 teaspoon of salt – though I find that the salt from the crackers is sometimes enough
  • 1/8 teaspoon of pepper
  • 1/2 cup of whole milk
  • 3 cups of cheddar cheese, grated – little note here, don’t be lazy and buy the pre-shredded cheese. When you use cheese you grated yourself it sticks to the chicken better
  • 1 teaspoon dried parsley – this is really just a recommendation, as I don’t normally use the parsley

Sauce Ingredients

  • 1 (10-ounce) can of cream of chicken soup
  • 2 tablespoons of sour cream
  • 2 tablespoons of butter

Directions

  • Crush the Ritz crackers – I generally open the 2 sleeves of crackers and place them in a Ziploc bag and run a rolling pin over the crackers.
  • Cut each chicken breast into 2 or 3 large pieces – depending on the size of the chicken breasts
  • Pour the milk, cheese, and cracker crumbs into 3 bowls
  • Toss the salt and pepper into the cracker crumbs and stir the mixture around to combine
  • Dip each piece of chicken into the milk and then the cheese
  • Press the cheese into the chicken with your fingers – this is where having freshly grated cheese is a plus!
  • Then press the cheesy coated chicken into the cracker crumbs and press it in firmly
  • Spray a 9×13 inch pan with cooking spray – especially important because the cheese will run onto the pan causing major stickage
  • Lay the chicken inside the pan
  • If using parsley – sprinkle over the chicken
  • Cover the pan with aluminum foil
  • Bake at 400 degrees for 35 minutes
  • Remove the aluminum foil, and bake for an additional 10-15 minutes, or until the edges of the chicken are golden brown and crispy

The Sauce

  • In a medium sized sauce pan, combine the cream of chicken soup, sour cream and butter with a whisk.
  • Stir it over medium high heat until the sauce is nice and hot – this won’t take long, so definitely do this part during the last 10-15 minutes the chicken is cooking
  • Pour the sauce over the chicken and dinner is served! (I put the sauce on the side for nieces so they dip their chicken in it).

chicken

Hope you enjoy!

Signature

All the Single Ladies and My Thoughts on What This All Means: Part Two

I left the last entry in a place of questioning whether treating online dating with the mantra of “dick is abundant and low value,” a term created by Madeleine Holden and further used by Alana Massey, was indeed the best way to treat online dating. I still don’t have the answer to that, and could probably be debated until we are blue in the face. But I do want to continue talking about Rebecca Traister’s “All the Single Ladies, Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation.”

Let’s get into the notion of marriage. I would say about ten years ago that was all I wanted. I was even in a five year relationship that, had he asked me, I would have said yes (thank god he never did, as I would surely be in one of two circumstances now: divorced, or in a miserable marriage). Something shifted for me. It’s probably a confluence of things…the five year relationship was gut wrenchingly hard to recover from, I then spent a year or so dating the same type of person – clearly taking the slow route to observing the poor choices in men I was making – then I spent a significant amount of time not dating at all because I was just so over it and couldn’t be bothered with any of it, to then embarking on the online dating world. The online dating world is like seeing a piece of cake and knowing that it won’t be good for you, but it will be satisfying at the time, then choosing to go for it and indulge, only to feel sick after the fact. SO, I started to think that if that path isn’t meant for me then that’s OK. I had to tell myself that I can still have everything else if I don’t get married. I could even still be in a healthy and committed relationship – better than most marriages – without a wedding ring and piece of paper.

So, when reading Traister’s book, it made me realize that I’m not alone in these thoughts and feelings. According to Traister, “Cohabitating couples in Sweden are less likely than Americans to break up, and as sociologist Andrew Cherlin has pointed out, a child living with an unmarried pair of parents in Sweden, ‘has a lower chance that his family will disrupt than does an American kid living with married parents.'” That’s it, I’m moving to Sweden (kidding, kind of).

According to Traister, “In part, when we delay marriage, it’s not just women who become independent. It’s also men who, like women, learn to clothe and feed themselves, to clean their homes and iron their shirts and pack their own suitcases.” I once had a guy tell me to pick out his clothes for a night out with some friends. We didn’t last much longer after that (and don’t get me wrong, that wasn’t the only reason – BUT I knew he wasn’t asking me to pick out his clothes because of my good sense of style, it was because he didn’t want to be torn away from his video game – this was when I was still making the same bad decisions in men and hadn’t learned my lesson yet). But, here’s the thing, and something that Traister points out so poignantly, “Our old partners don’t cease to matter or to exist in our memories or in our makeup just because we don’t marry them.” Journalist Jen Doll summed it up in her Village Voice piece on single women in New York: “The man who introduced you to really good bourbon; the guy with kids who helped you remember why you do, or don’t want them for yourself; the bisexual coworker; the “poonhound;” the one that got away; and the one you let get away on purpose – they all have a place in your dating life. Don’t regret them.” And, that’s just it. I don’t regret any of them, the good, the bad, or the ugly (believe there were a couple of those…). What I take away from this part of the book is that you learn something from everyone you date, and you don’t have to settle and marry a single one of them if you don’t want to.

One of the my favorite parts of Traister’s book is when she discusses Gloria Steinem. “Steinem was sixty-six, the feminist leader who said that she didn’t want to marry because she couldn’t mate in captivity, who said, ‘we are becoming the men we wanted to marry,’ who once called marriage a union of one-and-a-half people and ran away from her collegiate fiance, got married. As Steinem tells the story of her long single life before David Bale, ‘I had realized at about the time that feminism entered my life that a. I didn’t have to be married,’ and ‘people (even women) could choose different lives and b. I couldn’t marry anyway because I would be giving up my civil rights (credit rating, legal residence, name etc. etc.'” Here is the thing, even Steinem eventually got married – despite the criticism she faced upon doing so. So, if it feels right then do it! But if there is any hesitation or uncertainty, don’t marry someone just because “it’s time,” or “we’ve been together for two years,” or “I’m almost thirty-five, it’s either now or never.” STOP! These are the worst reasons to get married. My brother and sister-in-law have been together for over a decade, they have two children together, and just got married this past September. They definitely didn’t jump into anything, and didn’t let any outside pressure make them marry sooner than they felt necessary.

So, let’s think about this, and try not to go down too morbid of a road, but women out-live men. So, when we finally do make the decision to marry, we will inevitably probably find ourselves alone again toward the later part of our lives. According to Traister, “The average age of widowhood for women in the United States is around fifty-nine, and 2009 figures showed that over 50 percent of women over seventy were widowed, more than double the percentage of men who are widowers. For the happiest wives, that means both suffering through the passing of our beloved and then, once again, facing the world – and our own ends – on our own.” By the way, that’s exactly what happened to Steinem. She was single for sixty-six years, finally married, only to see her husband through cancer and find herself single, yet again. So, is it really worth it then?

Of course it is! That’s the tiny percentage of hopeless romantic that lives within me. It’s worth it if you really truly love each other and if it’s the right person. See, I have a heart? *wink, wink* But in all seriousness there was a Newsweek article published that highlighted researchers who asserted that, “an unmarried thirty-year-old, college-educated woman had a 20 percent chance of marriage and, by forty, no more than 2.6 percent shot.” According to Traister, this was “part of a panicky news cycle catalogued scrupulously by journalist Susan Faludi in her 1991 best-seller, Backlash, in which the message sent to independent women was that they faced a purported shortage of men to marry.” I read Backlash when I was in college taking a women’s studies class, and I have to say I don’t remember much from the book and should probably revisit it. With that said, I looked it up to remind myself about the context of the book.

Susan Faludi’s 1991 book Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women argued that the 1980s saw a backlash against feminism, especially due to the spread of negative stereotypes against career-minded women. The book has become a classic feminist text, warning women of every generation that the gains of feminism should not be taken for granted. Faludi argues for the existence of a media driven “backlash” against the feminist advances in the 1970s, and argues that many of these problems are illusory, constructed by the media without reliable evidence – hence the Newsweek article that Traister mentions in her book, “The message that high-achieving women will be punished by spinsterhood has not abated in the past three decades, despite the evidence that high-achieving women are increasingly most likely to marry.”

Here’s the bottom line, contemporary women are redefining when women get married which also naturally bleeds into how contemporary women are also redefining whether, when, and how they become mothers. According to to Traister, “easy alternatives to the cold equations of child-bearing are not plentiful. Here is the math: there are a limited number of years during which most women’s bodies can easily bear children.” Back in the day, most women got married and started families in their late teens and early twenties so the window of reproductive opportunity matched the window of marital expectation. However, those windows no longer overlap as neatly as they once did.

One would think that this would just be a natural progression that we all accept and understand. There are lots of factors that create this delay in marriage and having children (women attending college and wanting to establish their career first, waiting to find the right person as opposed to settling, saving to buy a house – which in some states is almost impossible eh em…California). However, society still thinks that if you aren’t having kids by thirty, you’re now on a time clock that is ticking very LOUDLY. But here are some statistics for you, taken from Traister’s book: The average age of first motherhood in the United States shot from 21.4 in 1970 to 26 in 2013. More than four in ten births in 2010 were to women over the age of thirty, and one in seven was to women over thirty-five. More than that: of first births, eight percent in 2009 were to women over thirty-five, compared to just on percent in 1970. This is the one that makes me feel better, the number of women giving birth after age thirty-five rose by 64 percent between just 1990 and 2008. So, here is my question – why the heck is there so much pressure from society to hurry up and have kids sooner rather than later?

“The postponement of parenthood has brought its own set of challenges and peculiarities, among them the likelihood that if you are an unmarried woman over the age of twenty-four, you’ve read, heard, or been told something that has made you quite certain that your ovaries are withering, and your eggs are going bad. Right now. This second. As you’re reading this and still not doing anything about getting pregnant.” Yup! I’ve heard almost that exact thing, “your eggs are dying.” But, according to Traister, “It is a testament to how committed professional women were to the new kinds of lives they were living, that the terrifying threats of egg decline did not set off a wave of early marriage and dramatically lower the age of first birth.” Maybe single women didn’t want to listen to the warnings, and more than likely even if these warnings provoke anxiety within women, there really isn’t much they can do about it. It’s not like being single is, according the Traiser, “some outfit you could simply change out of when someone pointed out that it wasn’t keeping you warm enough; the husband-free existences women were living couldn’t change course with a snap of the fingers. These were lives. What were they going to do?”

In a part of the book that has become my favorite, and prompted me to look up the clip, is when Traister shares a Saturday Night Live sketch from 2002 where Sylvia Hewlett, who is an economist, consultant, lecturer, and expert on gender and workplace issues, and the media tell career women to have babies sooner in life. In the weekend update. It goes something like this:

Tina Fey: “According  to Sylvia Hewlett, career women shouldn’t wait to have babies, because our fertility takes a steep drop-off after age twenty-seven. And Sylvia’s right. I definitely should have had a baby when I was twenty-seven, living in Chicago over a biker bar, pulling down a cool $12,000 a year. That would have worked out great.”

Rachel Dratch: “Yeah, Sylvia. Thanks for reminding me that I have to hurry up and have a baby. Uh, me and my four cats will get right on that.”

Maya Rudolph: “Yeah, Sylvia, maybe your next book should tell men our age to stop playing Grand Theft Auto III and holding out for the chick from Alias.”

Amy Poehler: “My neighbor has this adorable, cute little Chinese baby that speaks Italian…so, you know, I’ll just buy one of those.”

According to Traister, “At the time of this sketch, none of these four comedians had children. Today…they have nine between them, all but one born after they were thirty-five.” This clip is from 2002 – fifteen years ago! And here we are, still dealing with the same criticisms and pressure.

So, what do you do if you want to have children but probably won’t get to it until you’re in your mid-to late-thirties? Well, there’s always freezing your eggs. According to Traister, “Sarah Richards reported in the Wall Street Journal in 2013 that the age of egg-freezing candidates ‘is slowly coming down,’ one study of the 240 women showed that the average age of women who got fertility consultations at a reproductive organization in New York between 2005 and 2011 dropped from thirty-nine to thirty-seven, and, Richard writes, ‘Several doctors say they are seeing a trickle of women under thirty-five – the turning point when a woman’s fertility goes downhill and she is labeled ‘advanced maternal age’ on medical charts.'” It’s an option, though not a cheap one. I did some quick research for this blog entry, and the cost of medication associated with retrieving eggs for one cycle is roughly $10,000-12,000 and storing eggs will cost about $800 per year. But, freezing eggs may save thousands of dollars in fertility treatment down the road and offers immediate peace of mind. So, there’s that…

I can’t help but wonder though, when society’s unrealistic outlook on the appropriate age of motherhood will shift. It’s happening, albeit slowly. According to Traister, “During the election cycles in the early part of the twenty-first century, much attention was paid, by both Democrats and Republicans, to single female voters, largely because of the dawning realization that they wield enormous electoral power. In 2012, Barack Obama’s campaign released a bit of campaign propaganda that featured a cartoon character woman named Julia. It illustrated how Julia was born, got a college degree, had a career and a child thanks, in part, to the aid of government sponsored programs. According to Julia’s bare-bones timeline, her life did not include marriage.” OK, so I’m not going to get political on this, nor am I going to embark on “government sponsored programs,” what is important to outline here is that Julia wasn’t shown getting married. Interesting right?

This gives me hope that the status quo is changing. Not just for myself – although it’s a little too late for me – but hopefully for my two nieces. I want my nieces to know that being smart, fostering the want and need to educate themselves and learn about life and relationships before settling down, is an important and normal part of growing up.

Recently, my oldest niece (who is nine), told me that she wanted to be just like me when she grows up. I asked her why and thought for sure she was going to say “because she was going to go to college and get a good job.” Instead, she said she was going to be just like me and not get married or have any kids. This stunned me. I still want those things – whether in that order or not – so I told her just that. I told her that at some point I want to get married and have babies. After talking to her a bit more about it I realized that she was really referencing the want to be like me because I travel and go and do really cool things – and I think she associates having children with impeding on that ability. I told her that’s why you do all the super cool and fun traveling BEFORE you settle down and get married and have kids.

The perception is changing folks, one little girl at a time. This book clearly struck a nerve in me and prompted me to share my perspective and personal stories on the topics Traister wrote about. Putting unnecessary pressure on women about their fertility is completely asinine. As a thirty-something woman, I am completely aware of what putting marriage and pregnancy off means, and it doesn’t scare me. If anything, I will come out on the other side of this with a really awesome, well-traveled and fun life before I decided to settle down, and that folks is what is important.

Check out the book – it’s worth the read!

Signature

The Closet Clutter Challenge: Weekend Roundup – Week 16

Happy end of October and beginning of November! I feel like this is the time that I take inventory every year and think, “where the heck did the year go?” We are riding fast and furiously into the end of the year and the beginning of 2018. As most of you know, I’ve been trying to be more conscious of things like, spending money on clothes – which I’m not exactly succeeding at, but nonetheless I’m conscious of what I’m doing and that I probably shouldn’t or at least, think about it before I click “confirm purchase.” I have also continually tried to make smarter decisions when going out to eat. Am I choosing to go through the drive-thru? Then, having a salad instead of a burger is the right choice to make. But, am I on a road trip – either for work or personal? Then, more than likely I’m stopping at Chic-filet or In-n-Out – that’s just the reality. But, I’m also realizing that’s OK! I am also working hard to get myself to the gym more than the two days a week I commit to because I have a trainer. In addition to that, meal prepping my lunches on Sunday. Not only does it save money, BUT it’s healthier. These all seem like little changes, but isn’t that the point? The little changes often lead to big results.

I have a fun little blog entry I’m working on right now about being single and in your 30’s. I’m reading a great book that is inspiring this for me and it’s bringing about a lot perspective. It’s called, “All the Single Ladies, Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation,”  by Rebecca Traister. The book is really for anyone to read – not just single ladies – in that it gives you a better understanding of the history behind the pivotal movement that has happened and continues to happen within women choosing to stay unmarried and single. So, keep an eye out for my thoughts on this topic – as you can imagine I have a lot to say about it!

Anyway, now – for the Weekend roundup:

Finally – the weather has changed so I’m slowly working the light sweaters into the wardrobe, and soon enough boots and thicker sweaters! Warms my heart just thinking about it.

Don’t forget to follow me on IG and Pinterest: Wishbonedreams

Happy closet de-cluttering!

Signature

The Closet Challenge: Weekend Roundup – Week 13, 14 & 15?!

So, my weeks are starting to run together. As I’m sure most of the folks who read this already know, there have been devastating wildfires in Northern California – specifically our beloved wine country. It has been a tragedy with great impact for me in a couple of different ways. To start, we experienced a lot of smoke and poor air quality for most of the duration of the fires burning – wearing a mask while out and about in San Francisco and the surrounding East Bay cities was not uncommon. Also, I volunteered with work to head up to our Santa Rosa base camp to help my department deploy records management resources to other lines of business. I have never seen anything quite like it before, and though at times I feel like my morale is in the gutter, and I’m just swimming around in circles, those 4 days I spent at base camp last week made me proud to work for the company I work for, and invigorated me to be a better version of myself both at work and at home.

With all of that going on, I kind of fell off of my blog/closet challenge escapade. It did help that while at base camp I basically wore boots, a zip up fleece and a safety vest the whole time 🙂 Regardless, below is snapshot of the last few weeks. Also, important to note – as I did laundry this weekend I was able to set aside enough clothes to fill up a donation bag.

 

Signature

The Closet Challenge: Weekend Roundup-Weeks 11 & 12

Hi all! Again – a little behind here. Things have been crazy busy – both in work and in my personal life. I  had a lot of traveling both for work and pleasure last month which is shared on my Instagram – so if you aren’t already following Wishbonedreams definitely check it out. There you can see my daily outfits posts, as well as any travel I’ve been up to.

My brother got married on Saturday, September 30. I was in the wedding so as you can imagine that was quite a busy time as well. Below are the outfits from the last couple of weeks as well as some of my travels 🙂

Top photos are from my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding at Cerruti Cellars in Oakland, CA, Sqauw Valley Oktoberfest, the Madonna Inn and a selfie during a work roadshow in San Luis Obispo. Busy Busy!

Don’t mind the complete chaos of a mess in the background. On my major to-do list this week, now that I have a free weekend for the first time in 5 or 6 weeks! For the closet clutter part of this, I came across a couple of tops recently that I wore once, maybe twice at the most, probably a handful of years ago. Tried them on and immediately remembered why I never wear them. So, I caught myself hanging it back on the hanger and in the closet and thought to myself, what the heck am I doing? So, I took it off of the hanger, grabbed a bag and tossed it in the bag. I now have what I like to think of as an “active” donation bag. So, as I come across things that I don’t like to wear, don’t fit, or simply isn’t my style anymore, I can just toss it in the bag. So far, there are two blouses and two pairs of pants in the bag!

Anyway, I’m looking forward to a quieter October full of pumpkins spiced everything and hopefully cooler weather!

Happy decluttering!

Signature