Adulting: Leaving Behind a Place I’ve Called Home for Almost Eight Years

I am a very loyal person. I’m a loyal customer, friend, sibling, daughter, spouse (to someone eventually hah!), and employee, so making a decision to go, to break up, to do something different, go somewhere different is often an anxiety riddled thing for me.

I was presented with an opportunity that I really couldn’t turn a blind eye to. Someone I had worked with some years back reached out because there was an opening on his team. He said I was the first person he thought of and wanted to chat with me about the role, if I was interested. Now, I had been pretty actively toying with the idea of looking for a new position externally, but nothing was really moving in that direction for me – quite frankly folks, it is very competitive and cut throat out there these days – so, I thought “sure, might as well hear what the position is all about.” I have to admit, I wasn’t sold on it at first. I was really having a hard time understanding from our conversation what the role entailed, and I was coming to the conclusion that this would definitely be a growth role for me because, while I am fully capable of learning and doing the job, I also didn’t have some of what they were looking for on my resume.

So, feeling like I was probably not going to be that great of a fit, but still having a little part of my intuition telling me to at least talk to the hiring manager, I said sure – give my info to your boss, I would love to speak with her. Boy am I glad that I did! She really broke down the role for me, explained how the team worked, and outlined expectations for the role. Not to mention we just had a fantastic conversation. She too worked at my company for a number of years and we had many people in common. She told me that she likes to hire people that her current staff know well and have worked with in the past, and that she definitely wanted to have me come in for an in-person interview. She warned me she was moving fast, so the in-person was set up for the following week.

This all fell during the holidays, which are generally pretty quiet for me work-wise, so I was able to take advantage of some of the time I already planned off, to take the phone calls and have an in-person interview. It all seemed to fall into place almost too easily. Generally, in person interviews have me so anxious and nervous. I actually compare it to the build-up I feel before running a race – it’s like 2-4 hours of your life, you can do it. It may sound ridiculous, but it works for me, and applies just the same to psyching yourself up for a job interview.

Anyway, the in-person interview went really well, 3 hours total – 3 people, 1 hour each, and then I was on my way. Within a week I had a phone call from the hiring manager with what I think was seeking reassurance that I was indeed interested in the position, and if they were to make me an offer that was desirable and in my pay range (which I had previously given them), that I would accept. Another week later and I had a verbal offer, and a formal offer followed less than 24 hours later. Like I said, she wanted to move quickly, and quickly we were moving.

My anxiety was a mess leading up to waiting for an offer, then subsided for about 2.2 seconds and catapulted back up upon accepting because, now I’ve got to tell some of my best friends, and mentors that I’m leaving. I explained this to someone by comparing it to breaking up with someone who literally does not see it coming at all. The shock of a lifetime.

Making this decision was not easy for me. I will often put my feelings aside for someone else’s happiness, I will also often times sacrifice things for the better of a relationship, friendship or family, so making this decision felt oddly out of my comfort zone. I was about to say, “I’m going to do this for me. For the advancement of my career, for my savings and future investments…for me. Not for anyone else.” I ultimately accepted the offer and then promptly told my boss that I was giving him my two week notice. That was the whole “breaking up with someone who doesn’t see it coming thing.” He didn’t see it coming…poor guy. But he understood the offer I was getting and that it was a really amazing opportunity.

I have to say, everyone has been excited for me, sad – but also very excited for me. I’m letting go of a lot my daily routine: coffee every morning at about 9 a.m. with my co-worker, lunch a couple times a week with my group of buddies, the occasional check-in with my mentors, and the happy hours and vent sessions over bottles of wine that have come to be part of me and my social life. That is all going to be changing. I’m not just leaving the company I’ve been with for almost 8 years, but I’m leaving some of the greatest people I’ve ever met, I’m leaving San Francisco – which is with both enthusiasm and a bit of sadness – my commute in is absolutely awful on the train every morning. I’m trading in going into an office every day for working from home about 90% of the time. It’s going to be a VERY big change for me, but one I think is necessary, because as I have thought about making this big move and change, I realized that it’s been a very long time since I have really shaken up my life – for better or for worse. I’ve generally stayed in my bubble of friends, travel with the same people, go out with the same people – which don’t get me wrong is totally fine, but I would say I haven’t shaken life up in about 5 years so it’s definitely time.

I accepted a position at a different company on their digital grid marketing team. As some of you know, I have been in the energy industry for about 8 years, so in terms of jumping into a new industry, I at least won’t have that learning curve. But, this new role will really round out my experience and take me into the marketing field where I can be challenged and learn new things. I’ll be managing social media marketing and events management for the team. All things I know I am capable of doing and excited to embark on.

I had to realize that in both relationships and work, we can grow so complacent and not even realize it sometimes, so taking this leap is huge. It’s massively scary but also really exciting. I will miss everyone from my company, and many of those people I will see even after I leave – I have made some seriously awesome friends for life which is a priceless thing and something I will always be thankful for.

So, my words to you and words that I am borrowing from one of my favorite retail owners (Evy’s Tree), “do scary things.” You only regret the chances you didn’t take, so cheers to just going for it and I’m excited to share the journey with all of you!

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How do you know when it’s time to walk away?

I think this question haunts everyone. How do you know when it’s time to walk away from something? And, it could be anything: a bad job, a relationship, friendship, project, literally ANYTHING. And, most importantly, how do you know when it’s OK and you aren’t just throwing in the towel early? That is what I wrestle with the most…am I NOT giving it a fair shot? Or, am I giving it TOO much of a fair shot?

I’m definitely guilty of letting a relationship last too long, letting a friendship cross boundaries too many times before I say something, and letting a job dictate my mental and emotional state. So, when I began thinking about this I decided to do a little research and see what else was out there about this topic, and am I the only one who struggles with the, “give it a better shot,” or “you’ve given it enough, time to walk away.” My little Google search resulted in a list of 17 things (I had a list of 20, but upon reviewing realized I was repeating some of them in just a different way – so, for the sake of making this list easier to digest, I eliminated them). I think these 17 things are little bits of information everyone should consider before making that big decision to throw in the towel and go a separate way.

17 things to consider when trying to make the decision to walk away:

  1. Think about the situation:
    1. What do I want to get out of this situation?
    2. What am I actually getting out of this situation?
    3. What am I investing into this/ what is this situation costing me?
    4. What will happen if I keep investing these things into this situation?
    5. What will happen if I stay? (best and worst case scenarios)
    6. What will happen if leave? (best and worst case scenarios) – I’m a big “list” person so this is literally the best place for me to start.
  2. Remember, walking away doesn’t make you weak: Walking away from something that doesn’t add value doesn’t make you weak – it actually is one of the bravest things you can do, and also means that you are decidedly a strong person. I am a very loyal person, and definitely almost to a fault. I’m also non confrontational and want everyone to always get along so, walking away can sometimes feel like I’m taking the easy way out. In reality, it’s harder to recognize it’s time to go, and then to actually do it – it makes you stronger.
  3. You’re probably the most attached: Often, the first person to walk away is the one who is most attached – true story! My five year relationship ended because I chose to walk away…and as a result I realized that I was more attached to the relationship than he was – he moved on quicker, and just in general seemed to mourn and move on fast than I did.
  4. Acceptance: You’re able to accept that things aren’t going to workout how you wanted. Wow, this is the hardest realization, and usually the one that is the saddest. I’ve had friends who I thought would be in my wedding someday, or my kids would call him/her uncle/auntie so-and-so, and had to come to the realization that that probably wasn’t going to happen. It’s a really sad feeling, but also the quickest way to come to terms with it and move on.
  5. Before it gets worse: You know to walk away before things get worse. Often this is the hardest decision to make because quite frankly, you generally can’t imagine it getting any worse…until it does. And, when it does – you gotta pack your shit and run!
  6. Your gut! If your gut, or intuition, or whatever it may be, tells you that something feels off, it probably is. Really folks, our instincts are our best bullshit detectors.
  7. Going with the flow: Going through the motions instead of reaching the next level of the relationship, friendship or career. How many of us have found ourselves just going through the motions at work? You might be doing a great job and everyone is happy with your work performance, but it’s just easy, and almost takes no extra energy or thought so you just kinda stick with it? Yep, if you’re just going with the flow, you’re never going to get that promotion or find motivation to take that next step in your career, or the next step in your relationship.
  8. Loneliness: You feel lonely, even while in that relationship or friendship, or feel unsatisfied despite working hard at that job. If you have someone who loves you, wants to spend time with you, but you’re still feeling lonely – you are not happy and nothing should come at the cost of your happiness. Leave!
  9. No respect: I mean, this is for anything really. If there’s no respect, nothing else is really left. Walk away! And I would elaborate here, but everyone’s definition of “respect” is different so I’ll just let you interpret that in the way that works best for you.
  10. Desire for a change: The want and need to walk away should come from the desire to change something, not out of fear. I don’t think you are making a confident and well thought out decision when you’re doing it out of fear.
  11. Convenience or desire? Is the friendship, relationship or job more about convenience than desire? Are you staying in that relationship because you live together and have really good rent? Are you staying friends with that person because you’ve known them since you were 12 and have mutual friends so it just makes things easier? These aren’t good reasons to stay in that situation, though when trying to rationalize the choice to go, these will weigh heavily on your mind.
  12. Does the situation cause anxiety? I don’t particularly like this one but it’s so true, and maybe that’s why I don’t like it much. But, if someone’s presence puts your anxiety level through the roof, but you spend time with them anyway because you feel obligated, it’s time to go!
  13. Priorities folks! When you’re an option, not a priority. I, not so long ago, had someone who was trying very hard to get back into my life. I had a weak spot for him, cared about him a lot, and boy did he know the right things to say. My issue, and why we were no longer together, was that I was never a priority. Not ever, not once. So, while trying to get back into my good graces he promptly said, “I want to make this work, and I’ll start by putting you first and making you a priority.” Lasted a week folks…one week. But, I also knew it wouldn’t last long so I wasn’t as disappointed as I could have been. So, walking away was very easy.
  14. Are you still having fun? When it’s more work than fun. If everything is a drain and you’re not finding anything even remotely entertaining or fun about your relationship, friendship or job, then it’s definitely time to go. Nothing is worth your happiness. Wait, haven’t I already said that once in this list?
  15. Is it abusive? When abusive behaviors prevail – or continue. Look, I’m not one of those lucky people who can say that they’ve never been in an abusive relationship – or even friendship. It’s a little harder to identify in a friendship, but if your friend says mean things to you, it’s verbally abusive folks. However, it is often easier to identify abuse in your romantic relationships. But, it can take a while to come around to the reality of it all and actually decide to leave because of it. Inevitably what happens is the abuse becomes more and more frequent and more and more vicious. I wasn’t physically abused, but I was told some really awful things over and over, and they got increasingly hurtful until I worried it might get physical, upon which I left for good. But despite that, it was still one of the hardest decisions I’ve made (crazy, right?).
  16. The good old pros and cons list: Do the cons outweigh the pros? I mentioned that I love lists, and the pros and cons list is no exception. I mean, it’s not going to give you a definitive yes or no about walking away, but it will give you some serious things to think about. When everything is laid out there in front of you it’s hard to hide from it.
  17. What’s the best way to walk away? This is so important. You definitely don’t want to leave out of anger. Believe me, I know that in the moment there is nothing that would feel better than to do the most dramatic walk-out ever seen, but you will inevitably second guess yourself for a really long time. Did I get too worked up and just react? Did I not give myself time to think about it before I just flew off the handle? It’s just best to wait until you’re not so angry so that when you do walk out you are confident you are making the right decision. I even think that walking away sad instead of angry is better, because if you’re anything like me, once you’ve worked through the anger, you’ve probably moved into sadness, and eventually you’re moving into acceptance and ultimately moving on with your life.

I realized while writing this that I too still have relationships that I should be considering for this list, but ultimately you come to the decision in your own time. For some, you decide to end things confidently and swiftly, for others it takes time. For example, I give the benefit of the doubt and chance after chance, but when I’m done…I’m really done. There is no going back ever at any point once I’ve truly decided to walk away. Some folks may walk away and then years down the road decide to give that person a second chance. I don’t operate that way, and some may say that isn’t good either. But, whatever it is or how you’re feeling, I hope this list helps you realize that walking away is never easy, and can cause fear and anxiety because of the unknown, but know that it’s the bravest thing a person can do.

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The Closet Challenge: Weekend Roundup-Weeks 11 & 12

Hi all! Again – a little behind here. Things have been crazy busy – both in work and in my personal life. I  had a lot of traveling both for work and pleasure last month which is shared on my Instagram – so if you aren’t already following Wishbonedreams definitely check it out. There you can see my daily outfits posts, as well as any travel I’ve been up to.

My brother got married on Saturday, September 30. I was in the wedding so as you can imagine that was quite a busy time as well. Below are the outfits from the last couple of weeks as well as some of my travels 🙂

Top photos are from my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding at Cerruti Cellars in Oakland, CA, Sqauw Valley Oktoberfest, the Madonna Inn and a selfie during a work roadshow in San Luis Obispo. Busy Busy!

Don’t mind the complete chaos of a mess in the background. On my major to-do list this week, now that I have a free weekend for the first time in 5 or 6 weeks! For the closet clutter part of this, I came across a couple of tops recently that I wore once, maybe twice at the most, probably a handful of years ago. Tried them on and immediately remembered why I never wear them. So, I caught myself hanging it back on the hanger and in the closet and thought to myself, what the heck am I doing? So, I took it off of the hanger, grabbed a bag and tossed it in the bag. I now have what I like to think of as an “active” donation bag. So, as I come across things that I don’t like to wear, don’t fit, or simply isn’t my style anymore, I can just toss it in the bag. So far, there are two blouses and two pairs of pants in the bag!

Anyway, I’m looking forward to a quieter October full of pumpkins spiced everything and hopefully cooler weather!

Happy decluttering!

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How do you know if you’re good at accepting change?

How do you know if you're good at atI’m changing things up with this blog post to talk about change, and how do you know if you’re good at accepting it? There’s been a lot of it in my life these days, and I have learned that the only thing constant in my work-life and personal life is change. This is a notion I’ve come to realize through not-so-easy practice and adoption.

Right out of college in 2008, I was able to score a job in San Francisco working for a legal publishing company. It was unfathomable that I was able to get a job in June of 2008 right as the “bubble” was bursting and all hell was breaking loose, but I did. It wasn’t a great paying job (I made more as a nanny in college), but I looked at it as a step in the right direction – everyone has that one job right out of college right? However, the two years I spent at the publishing company I saw very little turnover in staff. I think this was due in part to how bad the economy had gotten. So, when I left the publishing company I was under the false notion that people stayed at their jobs for a long time – I had always stayed with an employer for more than 2 or 3 years.

When I was made the offer at the utility I work for now the opportunity was above and beyond what I had ever imagined. My salary was doubled, the benefits were fantastic, I was a year into grad school at that point in my life, and they offered tuition reimbursement. I had stars in my eyes! When I told the publisher I had accepted this unbelievable offer and I was giving her my two weeks, I’ll never forget what she asked me, “Do you not like it here? Are you not happy?” It never occurred to me that she might think that was the only reason I was leaving. I told her honestly that I loved working there, but what this other company was offering me was impossible for her to counter – at this point it wasn’t just the benefits but it was also the opportunity to further my career. That seemed to make sense to her, but I left feeling like I had just broken up with someone – it seemed so personal.

As you can imagine, that only added to my notion of “people don’t just leave,” and “people stay when they’re happy,” and “seeing the same people every day for two years is normal.” Boy was I wrong and tad naive!

I would say a short month into my position at the utility, the person who on-boarded me and was essentially my lifeline was leaving the organization with the Director she was supporting, who was being promoted to VP. That was my very first experience with change. I felt like I handled that one fairly well – I made friends with others who I knew I could reach out to with questions, and I was starting to get the hang of things so it was OK.

I stayed on that team for two years and within those two years, I went from supporting 3 directors, to one and I saw the team turnover about 85 percent. Instead of embracing the changes, I worried and questioned whether it was the leadership, or the work etc., as opposed to wondering if that type of change was normal and to be expected.

Eventually it was my time to move on and everyone was really excited for me. This was a very welcomed change for I was the one initiating it. I’ve learned over the years, that the changes which impact you the most are the ones you can’t control at all. These past 12 months alone have been the most change I have ever experienced and also the most challenging year of my career.

  1. I left a position I had been in for 3 1/2 years. It was a change I was making, and in hindsight I realize I was scared to make it but went for it anyway. The following impactful things happened : I attended my first staff meeting on the new team to find out the person who hired me was no longer going to be my boss. Shock of my life! I decided to make the best of it and roll with the punches. It was a rough go at first but I managed to figure out how to make the best out of a less than ideal situation – and still learn something.
  2. At almost my 1 year mark my entire company went through a major layoff – having to say goodbye to people I had worked with for many years was extremely hard.
  3. The manager whom I had worked so hard to establish a relationship with (and had finally established a decent one) announced she was retiring – this occurred about 2 weeks after the layoffs.
  4. Simultaneously I was in the process of interviewing for another position within the company – and I’m excited to say I accepted the position and will be embarking on yet another change – though at least I initiated this one!
  5. To top things off, while I’m transitioning my current work over to the person back filling for me, we found out our director and fearless leader would be leaving the company.

The changing tide was strong over these last 12 months. The strangest thing to come out of all of this is that I feel calm and I think I have finally come to terms with the fact that this is normal. Because I never thought I was good at dealing with change, I decided to look up some articles published and other thoughts around dealing with change (my sources are cited at the end of this post):

  1. Don’t stress out about stressing out – Our reaction to stress has a greater impact on our health and success than the stress itself. I learned this in two situations just this year. The first was my “freak out” moment when I realized my boss was not going to be my boss. My instinct was to call HR and rescind my acceptance – that was me stressing out about the stress that might come with having to establish another new connection with someone.
  2. Don’t expect stability – Expect these changes as a part of your story, rather than a tragic thing that will ruin your life. I’ve had to practice not being shocked over this past year, but I think eventually you just come to expect that everything is always going to be changing.
  3. You’re prepared – Those who live in a constant state of readiness are unfazed by change and step easily into what’s next. They don’t victimize themselves by wishing for different circumstances. They capitalize on change by having the foresight to be prepared for what’s headed their way. Remember, success will depend on your ability and willingness to adapt, not on everything staying the same. Plus, don’t we all agree that when everything stays the same it eventually gets stale and boring?
  4. You can re-frame – Visionaries don’t see their situations as a challenge, they see them as an opportunity even if they aren’t sure what the opportunity will be. Though I had the rug pulled out from under me when I found out my boss was not going to be my boss, I had to re-frame what was happening. I kept telling myself that as bad as it may have seemed at the time, I would be learning and taking something away from my experience.
  5. You give yourself permission to fail – Change means risk, which can be tough for the ego to handle if it’s been built upon a false premise that failure is or was never an option. I kept feeling like I made the wrong move 12 months ago, but I gave myself permission for it to be OK that I maybe didn’t make the most ideal career move. But quite frankly, we can’t always hit it out of the ball park.
  6. You move on from your mistakes with confidence – Do what you can to fix it, learn from the situation and how to do it better next time. Failure becomes a teachable moment that is a step toward self-growth, not their identity. Though I had a rough year, I’m leaving it with confidence because I took the curve balls thrown at me and tried my best to hit it out of the park (can you tell I’m a baseball fan!?)

I now find myself embarking on yet another change – of my doing – that I’m very excited about. I will be staying with my company, but leaving the organization I’ve called home for the past 4 1/2 years to join a team where I don’t know anyone, and become apart of an organization that I know nothing about. BUT, I’m excited, I’m embracing the change and I’m more optimistic about this move than I have been in a long time.

I will leave you all with this: every experience, no matter how bad it seems, holds within it a blessing of some kind – the goal is to find it. I hope that what I’ve shared today will inspire thought around how you deal with change, what you could be doing to deal with it better, or to simply reaffirm and encourage you to continue accepting change in the ways that work best for you.

Ciao!

Nikki

Sources:

Harvard Business Review: “How to get better at dealing with change” by nick Tasler – September 21, 2016

The Huffington Post: “Saying ‘yes’ to what’s next – 4 signs you are a master at handling change” by Cy Wakeman – April 26, 2015

Losing Motivation: And understanding why

It’s been a month since my last blog entry. I’m embarrassed that it has been so long. I had such a good, dependable cadence going, and then I lost motivation. Of course what followed next was nagging at myself and creating an even bigger setback because I was falling further and further away from actually opening the laptop. But, what I really needed to do was ask myself why I was suddenly so unmotivated?

I’ve thought about this a lot the last few weeks – what triggered my non-motivation? I could only narrow it to one specific incident, and it happened at work. Isn’t it interesting? I took up blogging because I was lacking the opportunity to write in my new job, and yet that new job has impacted and derailed my ability to write for the past month? It all struck so suddenly – I have referred to it as being blind sided.

Some of my readers may know, but some of you may not – I have been struggling in my new job. Initially – say the first couple of months – I chalked my struggles up to learning new things, working with new people and different personalities, and just overall dealing with change. But as month 4 approached I was beginning to feel like I was barely keeping my head above water. I had gone from “OK, I’m learning new things, there’s some room here for me to feel uneasy and unsure,” to “Holy Mother of God – I think I’m going to cry in the middle of this meeting!” Now, if you asked any of my friends or family…I DO NOT cry at work. I have always followed the philosophy that while work is important, it’s not so important that it deserves an emotion from me such as crying. I would get up and walk around the block out of frustration before I would ever let myself have a good cry at work.

But then it happened. My face got really hot, my heart started racing, and I was booking it to the bathroom so that I could have the most unsatisfying cry I’ve ever experienced in my life. I needed to really let loose, but because I was at work I had this weird sob in the bathroom stall – so needless to say, that still left me feeling awful.

Generally my disposition is upbeat, happy and overall friendly. So when I was asked how things were going I tried to be upbeat and convey that everything was fine. This person knows me well from past work experiences, and called me on my BS immediately and set up time for us to chat. I expressed that I was feeling a lack of direction from my boss. I realized that I wasn’t actually being managed. I was floundering and it was scary. I had never been in a situation like this before. The conversation with my co-worker was really great and completely reset how I was feeling.

Fast forward a couple of months (like month 6), and I was starting to feel like things were no longer working so great, upon which there was some re-organization and a change in management for my team. With the changes, I was asked to meet with some folks for coffee to get a pulse check on how things are going, what I think we could do as a team to improve etc. Again, another very motivating encounter, and I was feeling really good.

This was a false sense of motivation because shortly after that coffee I got sucker punched. Actually, I have called it sucker punched in the gut and then immediately struck across the face (figuratively speaking of course). That’s what it felt like. I had been working from home one afternoon and had a call to discuss some deliverables. The call was great. I could tell that clearer direction was being given in regards to how the team should work, and where we should be concentrating our time and efforts. I was feeling like there might be some hope for this job and me after all!

Then, the conversation took a weird turn. I was told that there had been some talk about whether I was the right fit for the job, that maybe I’m in over my head, and that I didn’t know what I was doing…I will hold now for your stunned reaction. I was floored. I asked where this feedback had come from because I was surprised to hear something like that. The response was, “I heard it from a couple of people.”

Since this happened at the very end of our call, and I had another call immediately after, I had to cut it short. I hung up and proceeded to dial into my next call – with a consultant – not even someone on my team. I told her I was sorry for calling late and that I had been on a previous call. She asked me how the call went, and I lost it. I started crying. I started crying on a conference call with a consultant. I mean, who does that? Her response was very sweet, and she sounded shocked, and I was more than embarrassed, I was mortified. I gave her an idea as to what had me so upset, but really I hadn’t even had a chance to wrap my mind around what I had just been told. As you can imagine, that call ended fairly quickly.

Once I had a moment to think about things I realized that I couldn’t walk around the office the next day thinking that people had that kind of opinion about my experience and my capability to do the job. My company encourages speaking up/out about incidents and issues that are inappropriate. I realized that what I had experienced was inappropriate. I took inventory of what had gone wrong in that conversation:

1. I was given feedback on performance over the phone – that in itself is inappropriate

2. When I asked where such feedback came from I was given a very vague response, when the appropriate thing would have been to give me examples of when someone could have walked away with that opinion of me and how I could fix it

3. The feedback I was provided didn’t match the mid-year review I had just had the previous week, upon which I was successful and on target for the year

I decided that I needed to escalate the issue. This was hard for me to decide to do, which may seem silly initially, but I had never been in a situation like that, and it was very upsetting for me. What if I escalate this, and find out that people actually think that about my capability to do the job?! What if I’m told that I must have misunderstood the conversation? There were so many things running through my head. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I decided to escalate via email. I was nervous.

About 10 minutes after I sent the email my cell phone rang. I was impressed, I was expecting to receive a response via email. The information I had relayed was important enough for a phone call. Needless to say, what I had been told about my performance was not how the rest of the team was feeling and I was assured it would be addressed.

In the meantime, I reached out to the person who has been my mentor from the start (heck, he hired me!) and he always has the best advice. He told me to start looking for a new position, and in the meantime that I needed to work like a rock star even more to ensure that NO ONE would ever believe that something like that could be said about me. He then did what he does so well, and asked me what I was doing as an outlet to work through this. He can be very introspective, and wanted to take my thoughts off of this crappy thing that had clearly derailed me, and so he asked me how I’m coping with it. I told him I started a blog and then at that very moment, I realized that I hadn’t posted anything since the incident. It was an “ah-hah” moment. He made me realize that I was letting what had happened impact the good things that I was doing for myself. Not only had I been unmotivated to write, but I realized I wasn’t working out as regularly and overall had started feeling really down on myself.

Work is work. I have always had the ability to separate the two. This experience has tested me in many ways. It has tested my ability to speak up and stand up for myself. It has tested my confidence – I know that I’m not that person that was described to me on the phone. It has tested my ability to forgive – I still need to work with this person (closely) on a regular basis, and it tested my ability to take a look outside of my feelings (which BTW were haunting and never stopped) and identify why I was feeling the way I was. It made me realize how it was impacting me physically, mentally and emotionally, and what I needed to do to fix it.

Hence, why I’m sharing it with all of you. I went back and forth on this. Is it sharing too much? Some of my readers are co-workers, should I filter myself more? I decided no. I decided that I’m not the only one who has struggled with situations such as this and that sharing is always good and opens the opportunity to communicate and know that you aren’t alone.

So, in the meantime I write on. I kicked my motivational road block to the curb and I’m trying to keep calm through the work-storm I have found myself in. This too, shall pass.